my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
