I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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