What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
