My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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