next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
