Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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