dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
