i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
