Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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