nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
