So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
