Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
