I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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