shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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