Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
