dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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