My liver just broke up with me...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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