I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
