remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
