pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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