we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
