He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize