Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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