Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
