Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
