Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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