I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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