Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
