yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
