dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize