My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
