Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
