fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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