Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
