Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
