My hair reeks of homosexuality.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
