girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
