Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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