My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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