it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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