I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
