Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
