i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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