just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
