What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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