At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
