You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She just used a chaser for red wine.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
