they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
