I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
