Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
