you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
