you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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