i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
