would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize