I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
