I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
