no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
