I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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