Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
