What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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