Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
