there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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