my vag is so smooth its legendary
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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