forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize