Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
