God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
