You smell like a Billy Joel song
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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