we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
