i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
