I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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