Pappa wants mamma naked
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize