I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
