He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
