other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
