Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
