How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
