I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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